Here’s My Second Edict for When I Become King of MLS
By: Clint | May 11th, 2007(and just in case you don’t get it - these ‘king of MLS’ posts are not to be taken seriously)
thou shall never call offsides again.
On day two, I’d bring all the refs into my gold-plated office in the sky and announce that, effective immediately, there would no longer be any need to call offsides. Ever.
That’s right, from now on it’s up to the defense to DEFEND. Mark that man! Get back and cover for your keeper! Run, dammit!
Nothing deflates a crowd quicker than having that offsides flag pop up as a ball sails into the back of the net. Nothing.
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Comments
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My edict at queen would be, “Thou shalt never call Offsides again. On MY team.”
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United States
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Good point. We shouldn’t abolish THEoffside.com either.
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United States -
P.S. Admit is. You’re still just a teensy bit about the Herculez non-goal, aren’t you?
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United States -
Dang. Typos, typos, everywhere. I’m on a laptop I’m not used to and my fingernails keep hitting the wrong keys!!
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United States -
So few people seem to appreciate the fine art of forcing offsides, and that it IS defending to slip past your man as the pass comes through. So, let’s see, oh hypothetical king of the rapids … you’d eliminate offsides and weaken defenses to three players … what’s next? Unlimited time and no substitutions? Is this rollerball? Is our real goal to kill James Caan?
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United States -
hmmm, i like your “no substitutions” idea, and the “unlimited time” only sweetens the deal. how can i subscribe to your newsletter, sir?
and i forgot to mention - hooray for me! i finally have a queen who’s not a dude dressed in drag!
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United States -
Um, I don’t want to reign on anybody’s ego parade, but there’s no such thing as ‘offsides’ to begin with.
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United States -
Brian - I disagree. I think ‘offsides’ is the plural of ‘offside’. Example: The player was called offside. The ref called a few too many offsides. Whichever - you know what they say - the Americans haven’t spoken it in years.
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Yeah! The last thing we need is for people who don’t know the definition of football (the word is SOCCER) telling us Americans how to speak our language! We’s talk good English, am that understood?
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I got into a big argument with a true Eurosnob about this once when she tried to correct me. I claimed that a player was offside’s as in owning that position on the field. I was drunk, she was drunk, it confused the hell out of her and the conversation ended there. Whether I was correct or not, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass.
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United States -
I’m with ya. I now it’s sacreligious but I’d add some lines a la ice hockey + indoor soccer , like maybe at the 30 yards out from goal & can the offside. You can be anywhere, the only catch is that you can’t pass a ball in the air over that one and the 50yd & _directly_ score a goal. You could be out there and have your GK punt it 80 yards in the air to ya, but at that point it’s an “indirect” kick. I don’t want to completely dismantle the Ds.
Either that or make the goals bigger. But I’m afriad that will just put more pressure on having a tighter D to prevent shots being taken in the first place. where you could
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Huh. Never heard offside’s as a possessive. I think between all the posts, it’s presented in every possible way. Most. Exciting. Conversation. Ever.
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can we all agree to spell it off-sidez?
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United States -
Awfsidez, actually.
Americans speak real English. The Queen’s English is owned by her, but that is differentiated from real English in that you say weird crap like “We didn’t know what to think” when you’re referring to first person singular.
As for the thoughts on new edicts, I think that the clock should be changed. Can’t we just stop it when the ball goes out of bounds or a person gets “injured”? Wouldn’t that stop a lot of the pissing and moaning and diving that we’ve got going on these days? The original intent for the clock is obvious, but at the professional level you could just stop it.
Posted from
United States
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