Here’s The Third Edict for When I Become King of MLS
By: Clint | May 15th, 2007Ok, this comes from the future prime minister of MLS, Isaiah, but it sounds so good I’ll have him thrown in the dungeon (aka, Rice-Eccles Stadium) and take full credit for the idea.
I think that the clock should be changed. Can’t we just stop it when the ball goes out of bounds or a person gets “injured”? Wouldn’t that stop a lot of the pissing and moaning and diving that we’ve got going on these days? The original intent for the clock is obvious, but at the professional level you could just stop it.
Having the clock run non-stop is nice because it is ‘traditional’, but if stopping it every time a ball goes out of play or some SOB from Milan (THAT’S RIGHT, I SAID IT!) flops around like a fish out of water for ten minutes when his hair get mussed up by a gust of wind results in more actual playing and less acting and time-wasting, I’m all for it!
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And I’ll buy Krispy Kreme stock since we’ll all be putting a lot of money into the donut industry soon.
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I am hating this new edict. The only way I can ever get my husband to go to a soccer game with me is to say, “But it’s guaranteed to be only ninety minutes plus eight or nine, TOPS!” No way are we turning this into NFL.
And I’m feeling really left out on the donut thing, because the Galaxy don’t have any notorious divers OR ancient and injury-prone players. So when do I get to eat MY donuts? I guess it could be every time they pass directly to the opposing team, but by the end of the season I’d be one of those 1500 lb people they have to cut a new door for so they can haul them out with a crane.
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How about having the clock count backward from 45 minutes like they do in college soccer and just about every other sport in Ameirca?
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If Laurie ate a donut each time an MLS broadcast mentioned Beckham’s name, we’d have a national shortage on our hands. Actually, I think I’m up for that challenge. Donut boy - bring me another dozen!
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Yeah, if you want Laurie to survive the season, it’ll have to be a little less general than mentioning Becks. They do that every five minutes, I think it’s a rule. By October, you’d have to wash yourself with a rag on a stick.
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Okay, I suppose I should have expounded on my idea a little: the point of the counting up clock, from what my diminutive brain has been able to figure out, was so that anyone anytime with any sort of time telling mechanism could just start a game and have it go a fixed length of time. I get that. It makes sense on the streets of Rio in 1930 when stopwatches weren’t exactly normal (maybe they’re still not normal in Rio. I don’t know).
But. In an age when the clocks that count up to 90 are actually entirely digital (who keeps an analog clock in a stadium?), why should we stick to something that’s basically meant for people who don’t have the very device that we’re referring to? I’m kinda serious about it because “stoppage time” is basically ludacris(sorry, slipped out) in that at least once a week some fan or another is lambasting such and such a ref for how much time was given because [enter any name ever] was wasting time or wasn’t wasting time or faked injury or didn’t fake injury or celebrated a goal too long or whatever and that led to someone either scoring, having the chance to score, or not scoring. I’m not saying, literally, every time the ball goes out of bounds you should stop the clock, but why not stop it for injuries or when there’s a goal? No need to stop the flow of the game or make it like the NFL, but why not make the game have fewer “oh god I can’t believe the ref gave 4 minutes of extra time!” moments?
I think technology is good. Yes, I said GOOD. And before you ask, yes, I like instant replay in football, basketball, hockey, baseball, and, drum roll, soccer. But only for goals, if that little chip thingy doesn’t work. Like they do it in hockey. I think. I don’t know anything about hockey.
Also, Clint, I accept the position of Prime Minister of the MLS. I am readying my coup as we speak.
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The point is, though, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. We have a habit in the United States of not so much improving sports as just messing with them. The televised yellow line that shows where the first down is - that’s the only new piece of technology in American sport that hasn’t sucked in years. You don’t watch hockey, so you don’t remember the disaster that was the puck-finder a few years back. Anyway, as far as the clock goes, I don’t think it’s a problem. All of these are changes to major, important aspects of the game, basically changes that go to the heart of what soccer is. A bigger net, a two-point shot (sigh), penalties to decide all draws, a countdown clock - add them together and its a fundamentally different sport. If we want to do that, and call it American Soccer or some crap like that, fine, great, but I for one have no interest in watching it.
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Just for you, Ian, I’m not recommending FoxTrax for soccer too! (And yeah, I do remember that disaster; it’s a running joke with my brother…yeah we have lame jokes)
I don’t think fundamental changes need be made to the sport, merely some tweaks to make it more sensible in the 21st Century. I like the idea of chips in the ball, reducing judgment errors via replay, etc. But no, not bigger nets, fewer defenders, Segways…
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HAHAHA! Puck finder!!! That was so lame. You guys are both making solid points that I think (hope) most fans would agree with. Football (int’l definition) is great the way it is now, and at the moment I still consider soccer to be the same as football, despite some of the rules differences. However, if MLS is going to continue to alter the game and its structure like it has with the playoff system, salary cap, regular season overtimes, and, UGH, shootouts, then I’d like the changes to be focused on improving the refs’ ability to get things right instead of twisting the game itself into something that no longer resembles football.
For example, the countdown clock was around in MLS early in the league’s history AND it was stopped for injuries. This allowed fans to know exactly how much time remained in a game and kept flopping/faking injuries to kill time down, but since most of the players at the time were American (and U.S. players, from my unofficial survey of games and players) just don’t fake injuries anywhere NEAR the rate South Americans, Europeans, and Didier Drogbas do. It was a way to make a “weird international” game more palatable to U.S. audiences, but… it failed! For whatever reason, the league decided it wasn’t working and went to the standard count “up” clock with no stopping and estimations for stoppage time.
If it is possible to start from FIFA scratch and play soccer as football (which we’re very close to already), then look at improving, without necessarily, changing the game and how it is managed, that would be my ideal scenario. With that in mind, I say some things that I don’t necessarily agree with because I’m letting off steam after a game (like I did for about 20 minutes after the last Suns/Spurs game when the idiotic “players can’t leave the bench” rule cost the Suns about 4x more than it cost the Spurs who committed the actual violent crime. that was the worst miscarriage of justice in NBA history) but in the case of using a stopwatch (someone on the sidelines can do it very easily) to keep track of how many seconds of the actual gameplay are being lost to injury, arguing with refs, documenting bookings, subs, etc. and then relaying the precise amount of time to the ref and/or displaying the exact amount of stoppage time on the scoreboard isn’t changing anything about the game at all. It’s just taking what was an inexact process that was inexact BECAUSE it was established 100 years ago, not because anyone wanted folks to have to referee games and at the same time keep track of how much additional time needs to be tacked on, and making it more accurate (and therefore, more fair to both the players and the spectators).
Anything that helps humans better manage games (goalline technology that humans would give humans more information about whether a ball went over the line or not, better clock management) is something I’m in favor of; changes to the rules (especially ones to make the game more “American”) like shootouts, increasing goal sizes, removing the offsides rule (I know, I’m a hypocrite - that earlier edict was made during a fit of Royalty Rage) may be needed/tried to increase U.S. audiences, but I hate the idea of changing the sport itself to meet a perceived potential fan base’s wants.
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I need coffee before I post. “…technology that humans would give humans more information….” Thankfully, I’m not King or we’d be a nation of… bad… writing… peoples?
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Yes, perhaps coffee is best for all of us before we post. Otherwise, we’ll need some sort of center for bloggers that don’t write good, and want to learn to do other stuff good too.
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I’m certainly not in favor of changing the game as a whole, mainly just tweaking it. I mean, the game is awesome as it is, so long as diving doesn’t take over as it does sometimes.
Americanizing the game is not what I want. I like the fact that, as an American, I can watch something distinctly non-American (not un-American, just not American) and find positives in the way it is run. There’s a different feel to Serie A, EPL, etc when compared to MLB, NBA, NFL.
I missed the Suns/Spurs, but I read Bill Simmons’ diatribe about it: pretty good, as he usually is when not talking about Boston. That’s the sort of thing I think we need to avoid with the MLS: too much Americanization, too many lame rules designed to increase the revenues at the expense of the game itself. Watch out, EPL, you’re next on the list.
On a side note: everyone has started bitching about how flopping (diving in our terms) has become a problem since the internationalization of the NBA. What up with that?
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I don’t think the game of football is or should be sacrosanct. Once upon a time there were no substitutions allowed, the ball weighed eight hundred pounds and games could only be played in broad daylight.
All those things - more important for the game than the way the clock runs (the game would still be 90 minutes) - have changed. Even some innovations from American soccer have, over the years, become part of the world game.
Personally, I’m not even against bigger goals - humans are much taller on average now, than when the height and width of the goal were determined. It’s harder to score=less fun, and in a sense, less traditional to the game’s origins, if that’s what anyone cares about.
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That’s the major difference between me and most people that want changes in football … I don’t think harder to score = less fun. I am just as happy to see a great diving save as I am to see a cracking goal. That’s football. My problem with the goal size question is, mostly, its motives. We aren’t talking about increasing the size of the goals to make soccer more fun - we’re talking about doing it so that American audiences, who are used to basketball and Amer. football, might be able to stay interested in a 90-minute soccer game. First off, we are going to have to accept that MLS, and soccer in general, is never going to be a huge sport in the US. It’s never going to be the NFL. There are too many sports in the US, and too much of a foundation for the others. Just like American football is never going to be the number one sport in Britain. As I’ve heard a number of people say, the MLS should be looking for a position at about the level of the NHL - some TV time, some fans, but nothing at the level of the NFL or NBA. If we change the game to the extent that would be necessary to get masses of Americans to watch it, it won’t be football anymore. And the MLS will lose those of us that were with it at the beginning, that want a decently organized, somewhat stable football league in the US.
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“Once upon a time there were no substitutions allowed, the ball weighed eight hundred pounds and games could only be played in broad daylight.”
I think we have our next three edicts. Either that or “The ball must be filled with egg yolks and have a paper thin leather binding.”
I, for one, would be thrilled if the North American interest in MLS approached even today’s NHL levels. I don’t even care if the majority of fans end up in Canada. That place rules - get me a team in Calgary and I’ll move there and bring all the seat cushions I can throw with me.
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I’m telling you - the foam dart night idea is the win. Best promo ever, and it encourages the players to pay attention … lest they, you know, get blinded.
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I think it should be illegal to play with 2 defensive midfielders and a four man backline. They can call it “illegal” defense…No zones! 3 second violations! Leave the bench and it’s an automatic red card!
Who says we can make the sport like the NBA?
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Herculez a diver? I don’t believe it
Personally, nothing drives me more mad than the final 2 minutes of an NCAA b-ball or NFL game lasting 20 minutes, so it would destroy me to see a clock that stops in MLS. I love the theatrical aspect of diving, the opposing side’s frustration, and the tension that builds after the 90 minute mark where nobody, including the fans, exactly knows how much time remains. It also allows for that one last counter attack or corner to take place before the ref’s imaginary +4 is up. They are completely at the mercy of the referee and it’s fantastic drama when the game is tied or 1 down.
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Lets not forget the most important/detrimental thing about the clock stopping… It would lead to TV Timeouts, sideline reporters, and other advertisements that have destroyed American sport. We’d become the laughing stock of the football world. Wait, what? Oh yeah, that already happens.
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CR (Cristiano Ronaldo?): Your point about the TV timeouts is well-taken. I still support occasional clock stoppages (like when keeper has to take a crap), but NO commercials. I do dislike how the final few minutes of basketball and football tend to take forever, but the games are slower anyway and as a fan of both sports, I’m not opposed to those long minutes. Those games are longer. Cricket fans I doubt are bored by the fact that their sport can take almost a week to complete one game. I don’t want soccer to become like that either. Just a little more fluid, in a lot of ways. And I think diving takes away from that fluidity as cheating is not a good thing (steroids, for instance, make the NFL way, way better, but also ruin the sport. Same with diving in a couple of ways).
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CR is right on about the ends of games (ESPECIALLY in NCAA mens’ hoops). Basketball has been my lifelong mistress, but anything other than a complete blowout or a 3 point or less lead going into the final minute is agony to watch. Between the seven thousand time outs and the intentional fouls to stop the clock, I just can’t take it. Thankfully, tivo let’s me do the great ‘buffer and FF’ trick which is nice to skip all the commercials and TOs BUT it makes me feel less than great because I’m not watching it “live” (or, however sports are broadcasted in America nowadays).
And CR makes a good point that I hadn’t considered before - I DO always feel anxious in stoppage time if there is a tie or 1 goal difference in the match. Well, I only feel it when one team in particular plays (and, sad to say, it is not an MLS team). I guess not having that fear of the unknown would take some of the emotional response out the end of most games.
TV timeouts will KILL the game (well, not literally, but y’know). Great point because you know a network will pry an ad in to even the tiniest of breaks in the action.
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Yes, if the keeper needs to take a dump than it probably couldn’t hurt to stop the clock (I could use a few more of those TV adverts on how to get rich working from home).
As for the diving, I think we all agree that it’s cheating but there’s still something to be said for it. The way it can change a game and crush a team/fan’s hopes I can’t think of a better way to hate a player. As a supporter, there’s just something about that feeling of seeing my team lose 2-3 to some scumbag that took a dive just inside the box, only to see it replayed over and over without a single thing I can do about it. It’s the most disgusting form of strategy I can think of. In excess I’ll admit it’s annoying and shameless, but when it matters most… I’m having an anxiety attack just thinking about it.
Cristiano Ronaldo (cr), I didn’t even think about that! Suits the discussion I guess.
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Let’s add Manu Ginobli to the list of super-divers (although he definitely takes his fair share of legit hits, too).
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Okay, Clint, now you’ve made me curious. Which team is your first true love? (Mine’s the France NT. But I think anybody who knows me knows that by now.)
And yes, the anxiety in stoppage time is agonizing and excruciating, yet also delicious. The stress and the tension, not knowing how much longer it’s going to last… When your team is winning, is that final whistle not the most delectable, ecstasy-inducing sound you’ve ever heard? (Or, y’know, second-most. Or whatever.) And even when you lose, at least you can have hope right up till that final second, not knowing that you have only twenty seconds…nineteen…eighteen…
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Man U! I got to shake George Best’s hand when I played a kiddie game at Spartan Stadium during halftime of a Quakes game way back in the jurassic age. Ever since then I was hooked on his teams but especially Manchester - then came Robson, then Cantona, then Giggs/Beckham, etc. and so on. My teams in most sports tend to suck but English soccer is one league that can make me feel good (and take the sting out of last night’s criminal loss to the Spurs. I hope you’re happy, David Stern, to have a Spurs-Pistons finals again and, hopefully, have a 0 share for all the games!!!!!).
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