Here’s My First Edict for When I Become King of MLS

thou shalt not play more than 3 players in defense.

Think about it - if one of the chief complaints (not the SOLE complaint, mind you) of Americans is the lack of scoring, why not make erratic play and high scoring matches commonplace by having each team play some variation on a 3-5-2, 3-4-3, or even a 3-3-2-2. There would be plenty of counter-attacks, loads more goals (hell Roberto Brown will be scoring goals while falling on his ass AND kicking opponents in the crotch at the same time) and more incentive for fans to keep their eyes on the television set/field in case they miss the pay-off moments of each game.

I can think of plenty of reasons why it’s an idiotic idea, but man, at least I’m out here trying. What are you doing… with all those little outfits, jumping around there on stage, half-naked with your little outfits. Ya know? You’re a… You’re out there jumping around and I’m just sitting here with my beer. So, what am I supposed to do? What you want? You know, are we gonna go out? Is that what you’re trying to - why why are you leaping around there, throwing those things all up in my, over there in my face? What do you want, Lindsay? Tell me what you want? Well, I’ll tell you what you want, you want nothing. You want nothing. All right?

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